From Defamer: Zap2It’s Korbi Ghosh was the first to dig up a show premise that wasn’t merely a joke idea tossed off by Amy Poehler:

A couple nosy moles tell me that, like The Office, it’s basically documentary style. Set in the parks & recreation department of a local city government in some podunk town, Poehler will play a delusional employee, totally unaware that she doesn’t work in high ranking politics. And of course there will be supporting players around to make fun of her foolish idiocy. Sound too much like another show we already know? Well, I’m hearing that the writers are currently tweaking the concept a bit, but this is the general idea.

There seems to be a formula for Mockumentarys:

1. Find a lead character who is funny
2. Put him/her in a workplace situation (Bonus if it’s filmed in a real office space or grocery)
3. Fill the rest of the cast to fill the workplace situation
4. Make the boss “try to be funny” funny
5. Also, boss should be clueless about un-funnyness
6. Boss should also not be good in workplace situation (but good enough not to get canned)
7. Supporting characters should either be awkward, clueless or good for the lead roles in romantic comedies
8. Clear shelf space for Emmys and Golden Globes (although only The Office (US) has crossed this off their to-do list)

I can’t really explain why I find Lifetime movies so appealing. Or why I DVR’d a bunch of them over the break. Or why I’m going to summarize them in this blog post.

But I enjoyed watching them.

And Never Let Her Go: Young, vibrant woman dates local high-profile attorney. Who happens to be married. And dating another woman as well. YVW disappears and LHPA becomes suspect numero uno in her murder, but police have a hard time trying to get evidence. Will he be arrested? Oh, and it’s all based on a true story.

Lethal Vows: John Ritter (!!) stars in this eerie tale of a divorced woman who suspects her ex-husband is poisoning her and his new wife. But how? Why? Also based on a true story.

Armed and Innocent: 11 year old boy is home alone when three burglars break into his house. Unbeknownst to the bad guys, this 11 year old is in the house, has a gun, and thinks they’re going to hurt him. He ends up killing two of them. But in this small town with traditional values, how will he cope with post-traumatic stress disorder when everyone around him is calling him a hero? And two bad guys* are out for revenge? Also based on a true story, but I couldn’t find a link to the real deal.

*Bonus points for James Short, who is THE MOST ridiculous looking bad guy I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t stop giggling at all the really dramatic scenes featuring him. The hair, the demeanor, the clichés. The entire movie is worth seeing just for him.

Don’t Talk to Strangers: Pierce Brosnan’s in this film. Basically a couple gets divorced (the cop father is a drunk), and the mother gets their son (full custody). Father harasses them. He wants to see his son. Mother gets remarried to charming stranger (Brosnan). They decide to move away from Father, but this takes a turn for the worse when someone is stalking them on the drive to CA (the Father?!?). This has a surprise twist ending (Maybe Brosnan was a little TOO charming?). I don’t think this was an actual Lifetime-produced movie, but it certainly belongs on the network.

A Loss of Innocence: Again, not sure if this is Lifetime-produced. It’s actually more Hallmarkish. (Found out it’s ABC. Who knew?) Set in 1920s Utah (Mormons). Local girl falls in love with local guy (she thinks). Local guy’s half-brother (famous pianist) returns and falls in love with local girl. LG and FP have affair. LG is scared, marries local guy. Will local guy find out about that one afternoon? Will LG and FP ever be together (they love each other!)? Why did LG forget to pack local guy’s red hunting jacket (Those Salt-Lakers are trigger happy). The movie ends with guilt, revenge, hope and screams of frustration (from me). I did not like the ending. At all. WHY DID IT END THAT WAY???!?!

True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet: Hollywood “it” girl (alcoholic, Lindsey Lohan-like blonde) goes to rehab. Then whisked off to Fort Wayne, Indiana under an assumed name (to recover). Starts high school, lives with “aunt” (mom’s old friend). Can she survive? Will the paparazzi find out? And what’s the big deal with discount clothing stores? Be prepared for a rushed ending. I mean seriously, I was getting worried my DVR didn’t record the end (there’s only 10 minutes left–how can this wrap up?!). But it did.To my dismay.

And there you have it. I’m positive I watched more Lifetime movies than I’ve described here, but I can’t recall them. And I have yet to watch Ultimate Deception, a movie about a husband and wife who can’t have a baby so the husband goes out and kills a woman for her child. It’s uber-classic Lifetime because it stars Richard Grieco, who is also in another great UCL movie that features stalking, abuse, and all that good UCL movie plot.

So after watching an episode of “Property Virgins,” we ended up watching “The Stagers.”

HGTV describes it: “The Stagers goes inside the hectic world of professional home stagers as they rush to transform a problem house into a showroom — often in just a few days. Amid the tantrums and turmoil are tips and touch-up ideas you can put to work in your own home.”

Enter Matthew Finlason, the professional stager.

HGTV: “Loud, outspoken and endlessly entertaining, professional stager Matthew Finlason has an eye for design and a knack for breathing life into any dull space. Born in Jamaica and raised in Canada, Matthew’s father introduced him to the family construction business at a young age. Through this experience, Matthew learned the ins and outs of property development, literally, from the ground up. Matthew soon discovered that, like his decorator mother, he had a talent for designing and dressing finished ‘show-suites’ to attract buyers.”

It’s a little amazing and a little annoying, but overall I’m undecided on whether to watch more episodes of this show (there might be even more stagers, but I’m not entirely sure).

The amazing part? A warehouse, full of furniture and the fact that he gets to design interiors. And I do like some of what he did.

The annoying part? Mr. Finlason. He’s one of those hip, urban-loft dwelling types. With a high-strung personality. With an emo haircut.

He thinks of a chair as art, meant to be beautiful. And on the episode I watched, he made a big deal out of this one particular chair. It was the centerpiece. That and one piece of art.

He likes modern art and modern furniture. And it doesn’t seem like anything else.

I really don’t think we could be roommates. Maybe friends, but he’d be classified as “small doses.”

What, you say? Small doses? What does that mean?

A “small-dose” friend is someone who you enjoy as a friend, but only so much. Too much interaction can cause annoyance. It’s really for the good of the friendship.

You invite your small-dose friend to parties and other things, but not all in a row.

That would be my relationship with Finlason if we were friends. But that’s not likely to happen.

Pretty, pretty Princess Unicorn: her horn can pierce the sky!

First seen on the Moroccan Christmas episode of The Office (U.S), Princess Unicorn captured my heart.

And if NBC decided to start selling them, I just might buy one.

She has her own website.

And here are some clips from the show:

The original song:

And Toby’s return:

And here’s one more for you to enjoy (That’s what she said).

So sorry.

To update: My suspect for The Mole was wrong. But at least he won the whole thing.

Craig? I never suspected him. He’s one good mole. Moley moley mole.

In other reality TV news, I’ve been watching Big Brother (yes, I know.). I can honestly say that I dislike Jerry immensely. It’s bordering on hate. But we’re not supposed to hate, so I won’t hate him.

But seriously??? What’s with the whole “only representing the Marines when I’m wearing the clothes” thing? It don’t work that way, Jer. You’ll always be a Marine, even in the buff. And the yelling thing? Good grief.

This goes for the whole cast. It’s getting to be annoying. You said the word ‘blue’??? How dare you!!! You can’t say the word ‘blue’ at me!!!

Don’t even think about trying to be sarcastic in the house. These people really don’t have a sense of humor.

Who do I think is the Mole?

Mark.

Why? a) He’s a history teacher who allowed blue jeans to be considered in the Crusoe game, b) during one of his interviews, he went from happy to blubbery in two seconds. That’s some acting. Perfect for the Mole, don’t you think? and finally, c) after his fingerprint turned green, he didn’t have a look of relief on his face. Actually, he barely showed any emotion.

But here’s why I can never be a contestant on The Mole unless I was the Mole (and even then it would be hard):

1. Wouldn’t it be better for the Mole to play it safe during the first couple of challenges so that he stays under the radar? People are suspecting the Mole to quickly start sabotaging. But then again, if the Mole quickly makes everyone think s/he is the Mole, won’t suspicion quickly turn to someone else? Maybe it’s better to be hidden in plain sight, so to speak. “Yeah, s/he fumbled that game. But why would the Mole deliberately mess up? It makes us all look at her/him.”
2. The quizzes. If I suspect one person is the Mole, why should I take notes on everyone else? If I just wrote down everything about my alleged mole, then I’d answer all the questions correctly. But what if I pick the wrong person and get all the questions wrong?
3. (If I was the Mole) I can’t keep a poker face sometimes.
4. I forget things. A lot.
5. If I form a coalition… then do I reveal my facts or mislead my partner? Can I trust them? Shouldn’t I just stay by myself? But wouldn’t that make everyone think I was the Mole? If I’m not the Mole, I want people to think I’m the Mole, but won’t that decrease my eventual winnings?