Meredith Shamburger

This is very important. Obama must pick the verse he wants to open the Bible to during his inauguration.

Good suggestions:

• Something that has “Lord” or “Jesus” in it. Bonus points for “Our Lord Jesus.”
• Something that has “change” in it. Good mnemonic  device for your campaign. Gotta focus on 2012 and the reelection!
• Parables. Lessons for America. It’s like God is speaking to us in a way that even 8 year olds can understand!
• Focus on “God’s Will” and “God’s Plan.” Make us remember that HE says you’re supposed to be President. It’s your Divine Right.
• Maybe a passage giving thanks? Pull double duty by thanking the people and the big guy upstairs.

Avoid at all costs:

• Passages that would hurt someone’s feelings (i.e. you are a sinner, repent!)
• The Anti-Christ. Some people kind of already think you fit the description. No need to highlight it further.
• Any passages that deal with martyrs. Sure, you want to serve your country… but dying is not an option (2012, baby–can’t forget).
• The Burning Bush. May cause references to your predecessor (don’t want to dampen your party!), as well as imply that he is God (God + change campaign = Anti-Christ). Also, you’d like to be wearing shoes. It tends to be cold in January in D.C.

My suggested passage? Keep it short and sweet: John 11:35, which reads “Jesus wept.” Shortest verse in the Bible. It also implies that even the big guy has his bad days, so maybe the American people shouldn’t take it so hard. It shows repentance. And humanity. And it happens right before Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. CHANGE! You’re giving birth to a new America! Plus, since your hand is so large, it just might cover the story of Lazarus, thus giving it extra weight and meaning.

Finally, your inauguration needs to be short–remember ole’ William Henry Harrison?

[UPDATE: This guy has another good suggestion]